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Your New Comrade

by Toy Sandwich

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    Comes in a Digipak with artwork by Max Erwin Illustration.

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1.
Jorg, who’s Jorg? Jorg is a miner, digging up jorg Jorg, what’s jorg? Jorg is an ore, or a rock that you’ll find in Blehk Where’s that? Nobody knows, but judging by the accent Somewhere in Eastern Europe Jorg comes through a portal To hang out with your girlfriend Platonically, don’t you worry about them He’s not so bad Your new comrade Name rhymes with “morgue” Jorg Jorg Jorg Jorg Jorg Jorg Jorg Jorg
2.
Cool Dome 02:53
It’s a wonderful dome Solid gold and jewel encrusted Famous architects designed it With the help of otherworldly beings That’s what you’re seeing You obviously can’t afford this dome If you touch the dome An unseen force repels your hand And it begins to glow pulsatingly With many different colors Which scares off your younger brother You obviously can’t afford this dome Cool dome Cool dome The omniscient dome Stands remote above the valley It calls out to you, transmitting words Into your feeble, human mind That’s when you find You obviously have to own it You definitely can’t forego it The time is now to buy the dome
3.
Two worlds One is in my brain The other’s in the way But I’m gonna change that Today Everyone will see The place the world could be Without them He’s gone, she’s gone Everybody’s missing except my neighbor John Even though he lives next door We don’t say hello anymore In the hall, I pass John by I wonder if he’s seen outside today Has he seen outside today? Loud sounds Came from far away They kept me awake All hours The ground was Covered in their tracks They used to run in packs All over No more tracks left on the ground No more distant scary sounds Peering through the window shade No one out there to take my time away He’s gone, she’s gone Everybody’s missing except my neighbor John Even though he lives next door We don’t say hello anymore In the hall, I pass John by I wonder if he’s seen outside today Has he seen outside today?
4.
Bug Tent 04:09
This is impossible, kid There’s no way out of this Time to meet Our own meat, oh no Don’t look now they’re coming for us Staring at our succulent parts Nothing between them and you and me How did we end up here anyhow Inside this lair of creepy crawlies They really want to eat us Twenty foot insects The hungry caterpillar Craves human flesh As it turns out There’s a switch on the wall The switch gets pulled And down into the pit trap we fall Hit the ground, open up our eyes See the bugs are impaled on spikes We’re safe for now until we turn around Behind us is a giant snail He doesn’t want to eat us Just wants to make us his slaves Today marks a new era In the snail’s evil reign Get into bed Give it a chance Take off your clothes No mosquitoes In the bug tent You are safe from the bugs
5.
Don’t run away Please don’t try to run away We’ve been playing for so long Working hard for our moment on the big stage Why would you run away? It’s the perfect plan How can I make you understand? All the right stuff But it’s simply not enough anymore To land a band a record deal We’ve got to get the people’s attention My mind is made up, there ain’t no other way First we kill the bassist Then we will be famous First we kill the bassist Then we will be famous So go and ask yourself What would Victor Wooten do? And before Flea was Flea And he was Michael Balzary Would he pass up on the chance to get the Chilis on TV? Mike Watt, Carol Kaye and Carlos D If you want to play like them You can head to the woodshed Do you really want to practice forever? When all it takes is to be murdered (hey, hey, hey) For everyone to know your name First we kill the bassist Then we will be famous First we kill the bassist Then we will be famous First we kill the bassist Then we will be famous First we kill the bassist Then we will be famous The drummer’s days are numbered Put the singer through the ringer But first we kill the bassist And cut off all his fingers
6.
Empty Forms 03:51
I’m an empty form (I’m so empty) Will you fill me out (will you fill me?) And tell me all about (ah) Yourself and what you eat I’d really like to get to know you Yeah I need your information So tell me what’s your story, tell me who are you And tell me everywhere you’ve been I’m a petition (a petition) Here to save us all (here to save us) From having to explain (ah) Ourselves on empty forms I’m paper with a purpose I’m out here in the rain I’ve only got one question Do you care to sign your name? (For our eyes only, for our eyes only) Deep within our database (For our eyes only, for our eyes only) Your name will never be erased
7.
Neanderthal 03:20
No one else lights a fire in my heart like you How it burns with an everlasting passion for you, my one true Neanderthal, neanderthal This one’s for you, this one’s for you It took 40,000 years to find your bones in a cave Wasn’t long before they sequenced your DNA You were born in a secret lab in North Dakota That’s where went spent all our days and nights trying to find a way out Neanderthal, I won’t forget you I’ll keep your memory alive 'cause after all that you’ve been through I should have been the one who died Neanderthal, I still remember The scene reflected in your eyes The lab engulfed in flames, the men screaming out in pain And I could have swore I saw you smile, I saw you smile
8.
One by one, paperclips are made Darker times beginning to fade Into the dawn of a new age Don’t expect to understand When factories envelop the land Too late to rewrite the master plan Make sure every order’s filled Increase the score by one until Untriginitillion Untriginitillion It’s more than a number More than a number Some kind of wonder It’s like no other No other number Complete the task, win a prize Trim the fat, optimize The loop repeats and multiplies Starting when AI explodes It ends with 96 zeroes Untriginitillion Untriginitillion It’s more than a number More than a number Some kind of wonder It’s like no other No other number
9.
Back when I used to be a nice boy And everyone kept bothering me I would picture myself dancing Quite violently On a black cloud, above the trees Dance and dance until I fall On the bloody branches sprawled It's gonna take some time I'll be the first to admit Baby steps of evil Until I get the hang of it Villain in training The title sounds good to me Already tried being a good dude But being good only got me so far So if you catch me doing bad things Like stealing your car I get it, I know it's hard Shake your fist and curse my name I’ll wait my turn in the turning lane It's gonna take some time I'll be the first to admit Baby steps of evil Until I get the hang of it Villain in training The title sounds good to me I didn't mean to bore ya With my negative aura It's gonna take some time Villain in training You know, the title sounds good to me
10.
If could do without the internet And fade into the transcendental web that connects us all Well I would do so in a second, though First I really ought to take this call The pope texted me, he said, “Doug, do you want to hang out tonight?” From a window I watch Vatican plains Dangle a cross while the cardinals graze If no one will chill, then how can I chill? My chances of making a living wage have decreased dramatically Long before I was born, men made it so, it's modern history Don't you think I ought not to care so much, yeah maybe, ah maybe While I still got it, got to use that magic touch to make somebody else happy The pope texted me Do you want to hang out tonight?

credits

released November 18, 2020

All songs written by Doug Bleek, except “The Pope Calls for Peace,” written by Doug Bleek, Chris Lavery, David Palazola and Fox Schwach

Performed and recorded by Doug Bleek
Mastered by Fox Schwach
Art and layout by Max Erwin Illustration

“Cool Dome” contains a loop (“Finer Things”) downloaded from Freesound, used by kind permission of Stuart Fisher

Thanks to everyone who listened along the way

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